After the success of the Free Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day event that I put together in Nottingham, UK 2016, I have decided to put together this project to ensure that loneliness is fought 365 days of the year and not just on Christmas Day.
My name is Mo Fayose. I come from a very big family. I was sexually abused by a family friend at the age of 14. I couldn’t disclose this to anyone because I was very ashamed of myself due to the reasons behind the abuse, coupled with fear. The incident happened shortly after when I ran away from home due to the beatings I was sustaining from a family member.
The truth is, discipline is part of African culture but sometimes it gets out of hand and it causes children like myself to be very scared and dark inside. I went to this family friend to beg for £30 so that I could add it to the rent for the room I shared with a friend of mine. But unfortunately, he didn’t give me the money he promised and still abused me.
In November 14th 1993, I had a horrible car accident that left me blind in one eye and a scared face. On returning to work as a dinner lady the following year, the children in the school complained to their parents that a “monster” was serving them their dinner/lunch.
The parents complained to the school head and I was demoted to a porter.Not that being a porter at the time didn’t pay my bills, however, the emotional trauma I had to endure did me more damage than not having enough to pay my bills.
Happy new year 1994!!! I met this handsome young man who accepted me for me – with all my scares -, in fact it felt like heaven on earth because I never thought I would be able to meet anyone, considering the fact I also haven’t got any form of good education. I failed my GCSEs woefully. We got married despite him cheating on me and I was footing 90% of the household bills. I couldn’t walk away from the marriage despite him having a child without me knowing until the mother of the child called me to let me know. I couldn’t leave him despite the fact that I could see that he didn’t love me enough… Why????? Because I didn’t think anyone would ever want to be with me. All I knew of myself was “Monster”. I became allergic to taking pictures. I have to be extra prepared before I could take photographs. It was hell on earth for me, and sometimes, I still struggle.
As if those were not bad enough, I lost my favourite sister to breast cancer 2013. It was indeed a testing time for myself and my family. It was a struggle and one of the darkest moments that I never thought I would get over, because cancer was a visitor I never thought would visit my family or anyone so close to me.
What is the essence of the story above?
The above brief history of myself is to encourage you, to let you know that you are not in it alone. Many of us (many people out there) have similar stories to tell, but always wondering about who would listen and show us the way. Though I come from a very big family, my family couldn’t understand my irrational behaviours, so they also tagged me as “crazy”. Because of this labelling, I distanced myself from them, hence the reason why I found solace in a man that had little respect for me.
I was very close to losing my sanity. I had very little friends circle/support. I am one of those people that you either hate or love – no in-between. Today, as a mental health student nurse, a support worker, a mother and a meditation teacher, I look at myself and wonder how I didn’t end up in any of the mental health hospitals in the UK. I ask myself from time to time how I managed to escape not being sectioned or detained in any way. Definitely, there is a God above, he has been watching over me and I am so grateful to that angel above.
Because you have made that conscious decision to check this website out, or to even contact this page for support, I want to tell you this YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If I could come to this world again, I would choose to be a dog to a very kind man or woman, as coming as human being again may finally cause me to go insane, especially if the world is as evil as it is today.
My word to you is this, start encouraging yourself by rejecting the “mental illness”, the loneliness, your inability to express your feelings without aggression and the struggle to make ends meet.
Always know that there is someone somewhere, who cares about you, and that person may not be your blood relation, so start looking inward as you look outward.